Motherly Love

Motherly love is so fascinating to think of.

I was pondering and reading about its very meaning and never got that close as Erich Fromm in the book The Art of Loving. This book set my soul free, showing that the way I love my children can be right, and I should not overthink it.

As a first-time mother, I filled my library with books on how to love your child right, what kids need during their development, and many other types of books that guided me through this period.

Not to mention the opinions of basically anyone around me — yeah, it seems like everyone is an expert on child-rearing.

It’s hard to select which one is the best for my kid.

I had enough of the controversial books and thoughts and decided to trust myself and learn from philosophers instead.

Let’s see the big picture.

There are barely any quotes from the book. This article is more than a brew of what I understood from it. Feel free to disagree.

Love between Parent and Child

What is a mother to an infant?

Mother is everything good. Mother is food, mother is warmth, and mother is security.

As the children grow, they become capable of differentiating the breast from the mother. Mother is not food anymore.

They start to get clues about how the world (their selfish world) and the people in there work.

If they eat, their mother will smile. If they hurt themselves, their mother will soothe them.

They realize they are loved.

As Fromm wrote,

“ I am loved because I am mother’s child. 
I am loved because I am.”

Motherly love is unconditional. Children don’t have to do anything to be loved. The fact that they exist is enough.

Even though it sounds perfect, this love has a negative side.

That love is either there or not.

If there is no motherly love in the child’s life, there is no way to create it or earn it.

Most kids are lucky enough to receive motherly love to some extent. As adults, we still long for this love every now and then.

Around the age of nine, in the children’s lives, the idea of love is transformed from being loved into loving. To create love. 
They start to give something to their mothers.

Motherly love is always unconditional, but as children grow, they start to be open to fatherly love. Later, they begin to figure out everything — even love — on their own. When that happens, my job as a mom is over.

Until then, I’ll continue to love my own way. I’ll be there for them, put a smile on their faces, and love them as only I can.

My only advice is to trust your instincts and show them who you are. Be the mom you wanted as a child. Give your children the love and support they need until they are prepared to venture independently.

Let them fail, but be there to heal their wounds.

Thank you for reading!

Fromm is talking about the ideal types in Max Weber’s sense, and no one implies that every mother and father love in that way.

Thank you for your time!

The Witty Witch