By Noémi Marczell in the unbearable lightness of being — Jun 19, 2024

Milan Kundera and The Unbearable Lightness of Being

How happy I am to finally read The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera, which has been on my shelf for a too long time.

I found a piece of peace.

Also, I found answers to questions I’ve been contemplating since childhood.

I was also born in Czechoslovakia and never felt belonged to the people around me. Now I know, no one felt belonged anywhere because of the constant changes those people had to endure. Home wasn't a country. Home had to be your own skin or someone else's heart.

Kundera helped me understand this when he wrote about how it feels to live an everyday life under the communist regime, and how risky and hard was for people to navigate that complex political and societal dynamics.

Something that people having the same experience kept themselves. Try to ask anyone who lived in Czechoslovakia not just during the Prague Spring (1968) but until the country finally split (1993).

Not a surprise that young people from the former Czechoslovak region are leaving the country after their university studies - one-third of all university graduates - even if they cannot use their education while working abroad.

I am very thankful to him for being brave and sensitive, only as the greatest writers can be.

Czech Secrets

This book lets you peek into the Czechoslovak minds. For those who had the luck to grow up among those people in those very unstable times — the 20th century- this book adds an extra layer.

You will feel the room, smell the room, and see all the furniture without Kundera even describing it.

It’s almost magic, I mean the book.

Why is my family so secretive?

Sigh. They had to learn to keep secrets, although they probably never wished for this survival skill. Everyone was afraid of retaliation. Planning to leave the country or reading a forbidden book should stay in your head only.

Trust was broken in every individual back then.

When you are limited to sharing joy, excitement, anger, and fear, you let that energy roam inward, making you detached to feel a whole range of feelings.

Sad, but useful.

Why would people rather bite their tongue than talk candidly?

Talking straight could cost you and your family their freedom, job, or reputation. Speaking your mind was a luxury held by the ones on the top of the hierarchy and the fools who had nothing to lose.

The luxury that Nordic people still have.

Something I admire and love in the Nordic people.

Why are people so afraid of a girl who was born into a minority?

Borders were changing all the time there.

Something that was an Austro-Hungarian Empire became the Hungarian People’s Republic, followed by the Socialist Federative Republic of Councils in Hungary — for 133 days — that became the Slovak Soviet Republic, then Czechoslovakia and its latest form called Slovakia.

Yeah.

All those changes in eighty years.

The war became embedded in the everyday lives of everyday people. Hungarian, Slovak, young, old, girl or a boy, it didn’t matter; everyone was suspicious.

Now I know that people simply disliked everyone else because that was safe.

What are they hiding in the back of their mind?

A lot of grief, pain, and stories that were left unsaid. Stories about loss, hope, and ways to survive in the turmoil.

And why are they hiding their thoughts, dreams, and true selves?

I let you answer this one. After all, you might guess the same as I do.

Female Characters

A huge respect for Kundera for writing complex female characters. Female characters such as Tereza or Sabina were complex and had deep thoughts, unlike other women in classical literature.

Tereza was the one who had to build up her self-esteem and confidence to find her place in the world.

Sabina had the unbearable lightness, the personal freedom.

Free Of All Missions

Tomas hit hard with this:

´Missions are stupid, Tereza. I have no mission. No one has. And it's a terrific relief to realize you're free, free of all missions.´

As I'm coming from a tech world, all I hear is find your purpose, find your mission, and things going to work out. But guess what?! If you are not a believer you won't get it. I've always thought that I'm on a mission to help people thrive.

But this part made me sit down with my philosopher friends to talk about freedom and fate. We will edit that episode and will be available on Copenhagen Circle.

Human Times

Why are dogs happier than humans? Kundera suspects that the secret is in how dogs perceive time. Dogs love repetition; humans love new experiences.