Der Himmel Ist Mein Zimmer! — On How Pretending to be a Femme Fatale Gave Me Confidence.

Anyone willing to sit with themselves will find an artistic way to express their inner dialogue, feelings, experiences, and ideas. Dancing is my secret language for communicating who I am and how I feel.

It has been since I could stand on my feet.

I’m not going to bore you with my dance class history but jump right where I am today. Burlesque classes are part of the many therapies I use to stay connected with my authentic self. It’s been three years of visiting dance classes and two years since I joined the Femme Fatale club.

To be clear, the Femme Fatale class is not about how to be a femme fatale but more about how to embrace one’s dark feminine side.

To me, it’s a fun way, in a safe place where I can pretend I’m dangerous, confident, collected, chaotic, or even psycho. It’s where I can release all the anger and frustration that accumulate inside of me.

We do a show twice a year, and I pretend to be in charge of my fate — because I’m in charge of my body. We rehearse many times, so I act as The Woman, a Bond villain, a murderer, or a sugar baby, and I build connections in my brain on how to be that person. The burlesque classes helped me on many levels, and in many ways, I cannot even verbalise.

But it’s our last show.

So we work on making it unforgettable.

Sarah mixed a song that starts with Kiki Rockwell’s Burn Your Village song.

This song beautifully represents all the witches who were murdered. All the women who were raped and exploited. I love the lyrics and the chanting at the end: “Der Himmel ist mein Zimmer.” — meaning Heaven is my room. Kiki dedicated this song to all the German women who were accused of being a witch and therefore burned alive.

A dark time in history.

So, let us work on this one, and the rest will come.

Too bad, I just warmed up on being confident and stopped being a people pleaser, and now I have to find new ways of feeling all the feels.

But until the end, I still get to be a witch.

Thanks for reading me.